*Who is the teapot's favourite actress?
Tea Leoni.
*Why did the tea bag have to do its laundry?
Because it was stained.
*What is a baby teapots favourite game?
Pekoe-boo.
*Why was the cow teapot late to the party?
Because she was decaffeinated!
*How long does it take to ship tea from China by slow boat?
Oolong Time!
*What does a teapot say to her hairdresser?
Don't teas
*What does the teapot say to its bag?
I don't want another seep out of you!
*What kind of music do teapots like?
Jasmine
*Why did the teapot wear a cozy?
Cozy kept him warm.
*Why must you be careful of tea at night?
Because it might mug you.
*What does a tea bag do when it's tired?
It seeps.
*What do lady teapots like to wear?
String of Earls!
*What's a teapots favourite folk tune?
My Darjeeling Clementine
*Why did the teapot get in trouble?
Because he was naughtea.
*What did the teapot wear to bed?
A nightea
*Why did the tea get away?
Because it was loose.
*What does the tea do when it moves to LA?
It has its bags removed.
*How does a tea bag seep?
On its side
*What's the teapots favourite movie?
Michael Palin: Ahh.. Very passable, this, very passable.
Graham Chapman: Nothing like a good glass of Chateau de Chassilier wine, ay Gessiah?
Terry Gilliam: You're right there Obediah.
Eric Idle: Who'd a thought thirty years ago we'd all be sittin' here drinking Chateau de Chassilier wine?
MP: Aye. In them days, we'd a' been glad to have the price of a cup o' tea.
GC: A cup ' COLD tea.
EI: Without milk or sugar.
TG: OR tea!
MP: In a filthy, cracked cup.
EI: We never used to have a cup. We used to have to drink out of a rolled up newspaper.
GC: The best WE could manage was to suck on a piece of damp cloth.
TG: But you know, we were happy in those days, though we were poor.
MP: Aye. BECAUSE we were poor. My old Dad used to say to me, "Money doesn't buy you happiness."
EI: 'E was right. I was happier then and I had NOTHIN'. We used to live in this tiiiny old house, with greaaaaat big holes in the roof.
GC: House? You were lucky to have a HOUSE! We used to live in one room, all hundred and twenty-six of us, no furniture. Half the floor was missing; we were all huddled together in one corner for fear of FALLING!
TG: You were lucky to have a ROOM! *We* used to have to live in a corridor!
MP: Ohhhh we used to DREAM of livin' in a corridor! Woulda' been a palace to us. We used to live in an old water tank on a rubbish tip. We got woken up every morning by having a load of rotting fish dumped all over us! House!? Hmph.
EI: Well when I say "house" it was only a hole in the ground covered by a piece of tarpolin, but it was a house to US.
GC: We were evicted from *our* hole in the ground; we had to go and live in a lake!
TG: You were lucky to have a LAKE! There were a hundred and sixty of us living in a small shoebox in the middle of the road.
MP: Cardboard box?
TG: Aye.
MP: You were lucky. We lived for three months in a brown paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six o'clock in the morning, clean the bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down mill for fourteen hours a day week in-week out. When we got home, out Dad would thrash us to sleep with his belt!
GC: Luxury. We used to have to get out of the lake at three o'clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of hot gravel, go to work at the mill every day for tuppence a month, come home, and Dad would beat us around the head and neck with a broken bottle, if we were LUCKY!
TG: Well we had it tough. We used to have to get up out of the shoebox at twelve o'clock at night, and LICK the road clean with our tongues. We had half a handful of freezing cold gravel, worked twenty-four hours a day at the mill for fourpence every six years, and when we got home, our Dad would slice us in two with a bread knife.
EI: Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, (pause for laughter), eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad would kill us, and dance about on our graves singing "Hallelujah."
MP: But you try and tell the young people today that... and they won't believe ya'.
ALL: Nope, nope..
*The hostess poured a cup of tea for a middle-aged man at her party and asked him if he took sugar. "No," he said. "Yes," said his wife brightly at the same moment. Then she turned accusingly to him. "But I always put sugar in your tea!" "I know," the man said rudely. "I used to remind you not to. Now I just don't stir."
Have you tried taking the spoon out of the cup?
*Knock knock.
Who's there?
Army Ant.
Army Ant who?
Army Ants coming for tea then? (are my aunts coming for tea then)
*Fred: Do you feel like a cup of tea?
Harry: Oh, yes.
Fred: You look like one, too - sloppy, hot and wet!
*Moskowitz and Finkelstein were in a cafeteria, drinking tea. Moskowitz studied his cup and said with a sigh, "Ah, my friend, life is like a cup of tea."
Finkelstein considered that for a moment and then said, "But why is life like a cup of tea?"And Moskowitz replied, "How should I know? Am I a philosopher?
*Little Billy was left to fix lunch. When his mother returned with a friend, she noticed that Billy had already strained the tea.
"Did you find the tea strainer?" His mother asked.
"No mother, I couldn't find it, so I used the fly swatter."
His mother nearly fainted, so he hastily added, "Don't get so excited Mother, I used an old one."
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